9/5/24: Fighting a Battle I Can’t Win

This has been a tough summer.  I went from what I thought was a relatively healthy 52 year old (honestly carrying a few extra pounds) to someone with cancer.  And not a good cancer, one that is relatively rare and aggressive.

Since then I have been in the hospital multiple times and had many, many procedures to make my life more livable.  And I get to experience chemotherapy.  And with chemo comes many cool side effects like hair loss (expected) and uncontrollable hiccups (not expected).

Let’s get it out of the way right here-Cancer Sucks.  I don’t think I really knew anyone close to me who had gone through cancer so I didn’t know what to expect, but now that I am seeing it from the inside I can definitely say that its rough. Everyday is a new experience, I never know how I’m going to feel until I wake up.  Somedays I feel fine.  Other days I feel tired.  Somedays I’m mentally strong.  Other days I’m emotionally exhausted.

The thing I am learning is that cancer is not fair.  I see people 20 or 30 years older than I am who drink and smoke who are living normally-not a care in the world is seems.  Here I am. I don’t drink, never smoked, exercised daily and I’m the one who has cancer.

I know at some point the cancer will win this fight.  But for now I’m trying my best to battle the inevitable.  Time will tell how long the war will last.